Tug o' War

I’ve been away from my blog for a awhile, and it’s good to be back. I suppose one can be pretty inspired to write on the eve of graduation.

Sunday morning came and went, just like so many other things in life.  It was my last Sunday before graduation - my last Sunday attending Harrisburg Brethren in Christ Church.  I sang in the Gospel Choir as usual, trying to squeak out a few notes, despite my cold and my disappearing voice.  The service ended, and it was time for me to say goodbye to the church that has nurtured me and helped me grow in unbelievable ways over the past few years.

Do I want to leave that church? No. But time marches on.  During the service, I could not shake an idea that I’ve had for a while: the idea that God has something else in mind for my fiance and I. He has some plan for us that doesn’t involve staying here. So, it’s time to move on.

I had a similar experience the other day. It was the last day of my internship, where I had spent 40 hours/week for the past few months.  On the last day, my coworkers surprised me with pizza, a gift, and card signed by them all.  I felt downhearted as I drove home that afternoon. I had learned and grew a lot from that experience, but it was time to move on.

When I got home, I tucked the card into my file folder labeled “cards and keepsakes.” {Yes, I have a folder just for things like that.} But something stayed my hand.  I reached back into the folder and pulled out another card... and another... and another....

Kind thoughts, words of affirmation, bits of wisdom, letters of encouragements: all sitting in one little, neatly-labeled folder.  The names of so many people came flooding into my head: people who have loved, supported, and cheered me on in this crazy thing called life.

Then I pulled out another card. On it were the words 航空: air mail.  I stared at it.  The Hong Kong skyline stared back at me, and I had a strange feeling in my stomach. Yep, it hadn’t gone away. I still want to go back.

So there I was, with memories of the past, love for the present, and hopes for the future, and suddenly my heart was playing tug-of-war with itself.  This seems to be a picture of how my life is right now.  I suppose this is the plight of every soon-to-be graduate.  Things are changing. Life will never be the same again.  So, I leave some things behind and press on.  Some of these dear people I mentioned before, I will bring with me. Others, I will only bring memories of.  But to both of these, I owe much gratitude. Without you, I would not be who I am today. If you are reading this, chances are you mean a lot to me and have had a huge impact on my life in some way.

So, as I go forward with my life, to wherever life leads me, thank you.