Interview with Erin

This weekend, I had the privilege and joy of seeing my best friend (of over 10 years) for the first time in a year, so I decided to interview her about her experiences over the last year. The following is what resulted.

For the sake of our readers, can you give me a brief overview of where you went, what you did, and so on?
For the majority of the year, I lived in Harbin, China, which is in the northeastern-most province. It is called the Ice City, because it is winter for about six months of the year, and is very cold, around -40 degrees. I lived and worked at Heilongjiang East College, and I taught oral English to a grand total of about 500 students throughout the year. My interaction with students wasn’t limited to the classroom. I had countless lunches with students, or shopping outings, or gatherings and parties. I had conversations ranging in complexity from “What is your favorite food?” to poverty, gun violence, and the meaning of life. And I shared my Hope with these students all while living and working on a team, which five other like-minded teachers.

Can you talk about the importance of community in serving?
I can’t imagine trying to serve in another culture or country by myself. That would be insane. There would be no accountability for you. You need the team for accountability in your service. Jesus sent people out on teams to serve for a reason. Your team is there to support you in what you’re doing, to encourage you, to admonish you, to laugh with you, to cry with you. You need that community when you’re serving, or you won’t last.

Do you have any funny stories about an embarrassing cultural faux-pas?
There was that time a man kissed me in the park, is that a funny story? When I was in Beijing, I was having my quiet time in a public park, and this 60 year old man came and sat down next to me, and started talking to me in Chinese, so I had as much of a conversation as I could. We established that I was American and was teaching English in Harbin, and then my Chinese ran out. He was still talking to me, and I told him “I’m sorry, I don’t understand” and he got up like he was going to leave, and then he said something several times, and I was so confused. I remembered learning one of the words. And then I remembered what the word was, as he leaned in and kissed me on the cheek.

What was one of the hardest things you had to adjust to in China?
I’m a very emotional person, and sometimes I have to cry. And so most of the year, it was fine. If I had to cry, I just waited till I was in my apartment. Because in China, public displays of emotion, or crying, is not ok. If you are with your friends, they will say, “It is ok, don’t cry.” This really became a struggle for me during my last couple of weeks in Harbin, because I was really sad. I had to say goodbye to students and people that I loved, and I wanted to cry. And they weren’t comfortable with me crying. So it was hard to be culturally sensitive, and still be myself. In a cell phone conversation: “Teacher, we have a gift for you. We left it in the Auntie’s room. We do not want to see you cry.”

What was one thing you learned from living in China?
I learned about the importance of community, and in regards to that, I learned that it is completely possible for people who have nothing in common but Jesus to come together and love one another, and be the body of Christ.

What’s one thing that you are proud of?
At the end of the year, I had a 30 minute conversation in Chinese with a Japanese man. It was awesome, because I spoke Chinese for half an hour, and we understood each other. It was my culminating language experience. Besides that experience, I was proud every time I used Chinese successfully and could communicate with people.

How was the food?
It was delicious. And it was unlike American Chinese food. My two favorites were sour fried eggplant, and the northeast China version of sweet and sour pork.

I want to talk about the nai cha lady.
THE NAI CHA LADY!! Where to begin... So, below our dormitory, there were a bunch of different stores. One of those was a tiny little milk tea shop, nai cha. A husband and wife ran the shop. We started going there as soon as we got to Harbin. The nai cha lady was super helpful and taught us how to say the drinks in Chinese, and she taught us really basic things like “cold” and “hot” and was always so patient with us. As the year went on and we went there multiple times a week, sometimes multiple times a day, to get a drink, we as a team developed this really awesome relationship with them. We made each other laugh all the time. That’s because Audrey {a team member}  can’t speak Chinese and would act things out. She {the nai cha lady} would make fun of us. We had this really great relationship and loved each other. We would tell her, “We like to see you. We love you. We are happy to see you.” And she would tell us the same thing. A week before we left Harbin, we invited her to my apartment. She came and we baked cookies together. We showed her pictures of our families, and we played music for her. We sang a song for her that we wrote in Chinese about milk tea, and how much we love them. The relationship was so meaningful for all of us. It was so cool to me that I could have such a deep love for someone that I could barely communicate with. But we loved each other and held back tears as we finally said goodbye.

Since you’ve been back, you’ve probably heard the question “So, how was China?” about a million and one times. This question is probably at best, overwhelming... at worst, completely irritating. What are good questions for people to ask someone who has just come back from living overseas?
It doesn’t matter exactly what the question is, you just need a more specific question. I wasn’t there for 2 days, I was there for a year. So much happened. So questions like... “How was teaching? How was team life? How was the food? What surprised you about China? What’s one major thing you learned?” Something specific, so I can give a real answer. I mean... How was America??

Similarly, what are good ways people can care for someone experiencing reverse culture shock?
Just being understanding that it wasn’t just a trip, or a vacation. It was a year of my life. Because of that, I’ve changed in some ways. So... not trying to fit me back into whatever idea you had of me before then. Because I’ve changed, and you’ve changed too. Something that is really important especially for at least the first couple weeks - someone who has just had a year long experience in another country is going to need to talk about it, will want to talk about it, for hours. Not that you need to listen for hours, but if you would just be willing to be patient, and listen to a couple longer, meaningful stories, it would be helpful for them. And if you don’t have hours to give, and only can or want to ask one question, let it be a meaningful question. And be patient, because they will probably do some cultural faux-pas in American culture.

What advice would you give to anyone considering living overseas for an extended period of time?
You should really do your research about the place you’re going to be, about the people, what culture is like there. Learn about things that are going to be different, so that you can prepare yourself mentally, so you don’t have as much culture shock. Like, Chinese people are physically pushy, in public places. I knew that, and prepared myself for it, so it didn’t bother me at all. Also, find ways to stay healthily connected to your home country, but also have balance, so that when you’re living in the other country, you’re REALLY living there, not clinging to your life in your home country. Going along with that, something I did was have communication with people you love on a schedule. That way, you don’t only talk to your friends and family when you’re happy, or only when you have a horrible day. That way, it doesn’t become an unhealthy connection. And finally, you should do it. If you have a good reason for doing it, you should live in another country. It’s really hard, you learn a lot, and it’s really awesome.

Since this blog is all about being courageous is every day life, can you talk about an experience in which you had to be courageous?
For me, it was teaching. I had some very challenging classes of students to teach, and sometimes I hated teaching. I dreaded going to class, because I worked really hard, and I wasn’t respected. It was just a bad situation. But everyday, I would get up, and I would write down a list of the things I was thankful for in that day. And I would pray, and ask God for strength and a desire to teach. And I would walk into class with my lesson plan and a smile, and I would say, “Good morning, class!” And I would try to be a better teacher than the day before, no matter what the result was.