Yes, We Got Attached. And That's Okay.

Writing this post is proving to be a bit of a challenge for me. I have so many emotions to process, and several points that I want to address, and I’m not sure how to sum everything up.

As many of you know, we said goodbye to Little Guy earlier this week. The county recommended that he go home to his mom, and the judge agreed. They brought his carseat, we brought his belongings, so we made the switcheroo right there in the parking lot after the court hearing.

I talked to my dad that evening, and he described it as bittersweet. There truly could not be a better word to describe our feelings about Little Guy’s reunification. To hear the caseworker telling the judge how mom has done above and beyond what the court has asked of her; to hear a relative tearfully testify how proud of mom she is; THIS is why we do foster care. We have been cheering on Little Guy’s mom right from the beginning, and she succeeded! What an amazing joy to be a part of!

But after the privilege of saying goodbye, we went home with an empty carseat. We washed and put away all the bottles, cleaned up all the baby gear scattered throughout the house. And he’s not here. No more of his little smiles and giggles. No more of those cute, chubby cheeks. The house feels so quiet and empty. It’s just Pumpkin and I during the day, and we try to keep ourselves busy, but after the craziness of having two under two, we’re just not sure what to do with ourselves all day. We’ve gone for several walks, visited the library, baked, cleaned, and more. But of course, nothing eases the ache of Little Guy’s absence. And we’re learning to be okay with that. (And for those of you wondering, Pumpkin is taking this all very well.)

In light of Little Guy’s reunification, I wanted to address a few comments that are said to us pretty frequently. I think they all have to same underlying sentiment, and are meant well, but sometimes they can be very frustrating, especially during this time of grieving. However, this is not meant to judge people or complain, but to educate and encourage!

“Oh, I could never do that.”
Actually, you might be surprised. But sure, maybe not. Foster care isn't for everyone. But there are still ways that you can get involved. Try calling your local agency to see what kinds of items they need (pajamas, duffel bags, etc), or support foster families in your community.

“I would get too attached.”
This one really frustrates me because it seems to imply that we don’t get attached. Believe me, we do. And we should! If I don't get attached, I'm doing something wrong and I have no business being a foster parent. Children need caretakers who love them like crazy! Babies need attachment! There really is no such thing as “getting too attached.”  Yes, saying goodbye will hurt, but it’ll be okay. We’ll heal. The alternative, children never learning healthy attachment, is far worse. And really, it’s about them, not us.

“It takes a special kind of person.”
I always feel really awkward when people say this. I'm pretty sure it's meant as a compliment, but it always feels weird. We're really not superheroes. We're just regular people following God's call to help others.

One of my favorite moments that has stuck in my mind is when we first introduced Little Guy to some of our closest friends. We told them he likely wouldn’t be with us for more than a few months, and instead of keeping a safe emotional distance, my friend just cradled him and said, “Well, I’m glad I got to meet you, buddy.” It’s friends and family like these who are willing to love our foster kids with no strings attached that help us keep going. We know you all didn’t sign up for this, but you’re with us anyway. And we love that.

So, with all that being said, yes, we got attached. Yes, saying goodbye was hard. But it was worth every bit of heartache, every sleepless night, every court hearing and visit with bio parents. And yes, I would do it again in a heartbeat.

Just… maybe after I have time to clean my house. =)