Some Goodbyes Are Harder Than Others

This weekend, I said goodbye to a part-time job that I’ve had for a little over a year. But not only did I say goodbye to a job, I also said goodbye to a child. In my opinion, that’s much harder.

For the past year, I’ve been working in the home of a child with some special needs, but for a number of reasons, it was time to move on, and Saturday was our last day. Earlier this week, we got out our construction paper and crayons, and we made goodbye cards for each other. Even though he often forgets many other more important things, he always remembers that my favorite color is.... “yellow, because it reminds you of the sun!” So, I made him a yellow card with a big, happy, sunshiny sun on it. This is the "card" he made me.

It's me.

A friend asked me what I learned from my experience with this child. I didn’t have a chance to answer her, but it is something I’ve been thinking about for a past couple days. While there are countless ways in which I’ve changed and grown, and many things that I’ve learned, I’ll try to write a few of them here.

1. Self-esteem is really important. No really, it is. I’ve seen a lot of articles lately that dismiss the importance of building children’s self-esteem. This is probably stemming from the rise of spoiled children who are being raised to think they’re the center of the universe (which is not good either). But I’ve found that self-esteem can make a huge difference in working with a child, particularly the one that I’ve been working with for the past year. Encouraging him and helping to build his self-esteem has, without a doubt, increased his success in all other areas of life. I’ve seen this child move from hating homework and failing every assignment to doing his homework independently and correctly, because he feels more confidence. How did I build his confidence? Simply by building on things that he truly was talented at, and actually achieved. One of the first things I did with him was to have him teach me how to throw and catch a baseball correctly. Simple acts that highlight a child’s strengths can go a long way to build healthy self-esteem.

2. Creativity is also really important. I bet you’re not surprised to hear that coming from me. When I discovered that this child enjoyed arts and crafts, we had a breakthrough. Encouraging him to be creative helped him in so many ways. It allowed him to problem solve, to probe his mind for original ideas, to think of what others would like, to decide what he thinks is beautiful or interesting. But not only was creativity helpful for him, but it was also great for me. Over the past year, I’ve had to think creatively in ways that I never had to before. I found myself thinking about what kinds of crafts or activities would accomplish challenging goals, and I sometimes came up with ideas that surprised even myself.

He made this for me around Christmas time.

3. I’ve learned to used my own gifts and personal characteristics. I’m not much like people you think typically work with children. I’m not very energetic or bubbly, nor am I very stern. I’m just very quiet, and sometimes I worry that I’m a little boring. But my point is that I can’t do things the same way others do when they work with children. Really, no one can. Every person is different, so each person needs to find their own way of doing things. I’ve tried being fun and bubbly. I’ve tried being strict and stern. It didn’t really work. I had to learn how to be me in a professional setting. I had to learn my “style” of working with children. And I’ll be honest, I like it. I’m good at listening to children, and in the words of my supervisor, I “just ooze empathy and understanding.” Kids need fun, and they need boundaries, but they also need understanding, and it’s nice to know that I can bring something different to the table.

4. I’ve learned to have patience and perseverance in environments that are sometimes depressing or frustrating. There have been so many times when I’ve had major breakthroughs with this child and he progressed by leaps and bounds, only to be halted by barriers that are out of my control. There are some detrimental situations that simply cannot be altered, and have left me feeling hopeless for his future. It’s unfortunate that this is true for many children.  But there have been times when I’ve come home from work and thought, “All the work I do with this child is pointless.” But I have to remind myself that no matter how hopeless the situation may seem, it really isn’t. And it doesn’t give me license to put forth anything less than my best effort.

Well, that’s the best I can do in summing up a year of putting my time, energy, and heart into a child’s life. Thank you for letting me process some of the emotions of saying goodbye. Now excuse me while I go drown my sorrow in tea and Korean dramas.