The Dream Chronicles: A Pregnant Lady's Dream Journal

So, apparently when you’re pregnant, it’s pretty common to have very vivid, intense dreams. It has something to do with the raging hormones. I’ve always had pretty detailed and exciting dreams, but they’ve been reaching a new level lately (and can sometimes be pretty funny), so I thought I’d share some with you. I’ll start with the most detailed and vivid one I’ve had since being pregnant.

Dream 1:

I had been recruited to work at a new outdoor shop, setting up for their grand opening and another, unspecified large event. I didn’t know who owned the shop, or really anything about it, but I needed some cash, so I didn’t mind helping out. The manager assigned us all various tasks, mostly unloading boxes as they were delivered by trucks. He assigned me to unload the boxes of fish and put them in the aquariums. A bit confused by these instructions, I looked in the boxes to find that they were filled with real fish! But no water! Upon closer inspection, I realized that they fish were dead, and had been expertly stuffed and fitted with internal motors. Disgusted, mystified, and suspicious, I carried the boxes inside and plopped them down by the large fish tanks. As I dropped each dead fish into the water, their motors sprang to life and they began to swim around the tank. When I had a spare moment, I asked the manager what had happened to the fish.

“Ha! The owner didn’t like the way they were swimming, so he had ‘em stuffed and motorized!”

“Who IS the owner?” I asked.

“What?! You don’t know?! Donald Trump, of course!”

After learning that I was being employed by Donald Trump, and that the grand opening of this store was part of his presidential campaign, I was horrified and refused to work. I tried to quit, but apparently Donald Trump does not allow that, so I was imprisoned on the 17th floor of the building. However, there was another prisoner in the room with me: a dragon! Apparently, Mr. Trump figured the dragon would kill me, but it wouldn’t be his fault, so he wouldn’t have to worry about me anymore. I soon realized, however, that the dragon didn’t want to kill me. Instead, he wanted to use me to escape. He was trying to figure out ways that he could control my mind so that he could use me. I tried to be as helpful as possible so that he wouldn’t get angry and roast me. He tried using his dragon powers to control my mind, and I tried to let my mind be as open as possible to make it easy for him (again, to avoid being roasted). But the dragon was not as evil as he would have liked to believe, and he was unable to control my mind. Then I suggested, to his surprise, that I help him of my own will, instead of him controlling my mind. He agreed.

“You’re a dragon. You can fly. Why don’t you just fly out the window?” I asked.

“I can’t open the dragon proof locks on the windows! I don’t have opposable thumbs!” he said.

“They miscalculated! They weren’t counting on a human staying alive in here,” I said. “I can open the windows!”

I made the dragon give me his word that he would take me with him if I opened the windows. Dragons NEVER go back on their word, but it’s extremely difficult to make them give you their word in the first place. But I managed to do it (I had a lot of leverage), and we escaped through the window, me riding on the dragon’s back. However, we did not reckon with the next obstacle: Donald Trump’s guard-dragon! He was huge, evil, and nasty! He chased us around the building for at least 45 minutes, and we had several close calls. The building was surrounded by a huge lake, so we had to be careful not to get wet, otherwise it would extinguish my dragon friend’s fire. And yes, we considered each other friends now. Having a common enemy will do that to you. Anyway, my dragon friend was fast and nimble, so we were able to evade the guard-dragon’s attacks, but he was very powerful and strong, so things got pretty hairy after a while. By chance, we flew to a different part of a lake, and ran into another dragon. She happened to be a friend to my dragon friend. She was covered in beautiful golden scales, and was sitting serenely on a nest, with a golden dragon egg underneath. She got caught in the guard-dragon’s crossfire, which was a huge mistake on his part. One does not mess with a nesting mother dragon. So great was her rage and protective mother’s instinct that she attacked him so fiercely that he fell into the lake and his fire was extinguished, whereupon he flew away with his tail between his legs, figuratively speaking. We thanked the mother dragon, wished her and the baby well, and flew on our way.

Dream 2 (slightly less detailed, but I’ll do my best):

This dream has a special guest appearance: my wonderful husband Judah! With a few modifications, however. Judah and I were a husband and wife team of crime-fighting cyborgs. Yes, we were cyborgs, and it was awesome. We worked for a huge government agency and were frequently sent out on missions to fight bad guys. While Judah and I were a two-person team, we often worked in cooperation with other teams, and had many cyborg friends. Over time, however, we began noticing that some of our friends never returned from their missions. We realized that one by one, teams had been assigned to missions in Brazil, during which they mysteriously disappeared. Obviously we were pretty suspicious and began investigating. We were grieved to find that our agency had been compromised and our government was slowly being taken over by some evil, non-descript bad guys. They were sending all the cyborgs into a trap in Brazil, to take them out of commission. Eventually, we were assigned our own mission to Brazil, and we knew what that meant, so we went into hiding. The dream got pretty fuzzy after this, but I’m fairly certain we went to Brazil, rescued our friends, and fought lots of bad guys. The whole dream was interspersed with Marvel-worthy fight scenes, so I’m pretty sure I’ve got the basis for a decent action movie. =)

Now, lest you think that all of my dreams are this epic and awesome, let me make this clear. Some have been boring and uneventful, but others have been downright terrifying, ranging from unrealistic (Guys, I really don’t get the appeal of zombies. That was a horribly vivid nightmare.) to heartbreaking pregnancy/baby related dreams. Last night, I even had a dream that someone forced me to eat my placenta, and that was disgusting and horrifying. And maybe too much information. Sorry.

Well, except for that last bit, I hope you got a few chuckles out of this blog post.