Judah's Man Minute: Reward Based Kindness

Hello, Men! (Ladies, this post probably also applies to you, but I am a man, so I am going to address the men).

Today I would like to share with you a little bit of wisdom that has been shown to me by the men in my life. Let’s start with a story.

There once was a princess trapped in a tower. A prince, whom she had never met before, showed up out of nowhere and rescue her. Therefore he gets to marry her.

So that is a very brief version of just about any fairy tale I heard growing up. The reason that I tell it is to show that from the very get go, we are told that when we, as men, perform a good deed, we will without question get a reward. The fairy tales were just the beginning. Our fellow men, our video games, and even the ladies tell us the same thing. In video games (I have been playing Skyrim lately since my brother gave it to me for Christmas) we literally get paid to do good. Even if we didn’t we would be furious (and it would be a lame game). In one of the books for couples that Jane and I read when we were dating, the female author said that there is nothing sexier than a man cleaning the toilet. You can guess what she was getting at. The thing that made this stick out to me as a problem most recently happened shortly after Pumpkin was born.

We went to the doctor for Jane’s post partum visit. After the doctor gave Jane the okay, he turned to me and said: “if you want to help things along you should make dinner a couple times a week and sometimes change diapers before she has to ask you.” My inner reaction was “ARE YOU SERIOUS!?!?” Not because I was excited for a way to “move things along” but because I was annoyed at him as a fellow man for suggesting that I should do nice things for the sole sake of a reward. Up to that point, I had made every meal for Jane, and I always change Pumpkin’s diapers when I am available to do so, without Jane asking. I don’t do these things for a reward. I do them because I love Jane and Pumpkin, and I want to be the best dad, husband, and man I can be. That leads me to the point I am trying to get at.

We need to stop doing good for the sake of a reward and start doing good for goodness’ sake, literally. Is your toilet gross and disgusting? Clean it! Does your wife enjoy breakfast in bed? Make it for her occasionally. Did it snow last night and you notice that your neighbor’s sidewalk needs to be cleared? Clear the snow. Why? Because they are good things to do. They aren’t necessary (except for cleaning the toilet, all toilets need to be cleaned more) and they take some of your precious time, but they are good. So do them without looking for a reward. Do them for the sake of goodness. If you start to do enough good for the sake of doing good, you will become a better man. Who knows?  Maybe as you become a better man, you’ll find you won’t even need rewards anymore!